The following conversation is between me, the adult, and my inner child Jannie. I began writing a conversation with my right hand, and my left hand wrote the answer. Although this is not the starting point of our conversation, it seems right to post it first.
ME: I have been listening to a meditation on inner peace, and the voice says to let go of fear and embrace self-trust and self-confidence. Will you be able to trust me and let go of the fear you have been carrying for so long?
JANNIE: There was a time when I played freely and didn’t have fear. My friend Susan and I would climb the tallest of trees in City Park and yell hi to people as they walked by. Sitting in the branches, surrounded by the protection of leaves, I would look up to the sky and watch the clouds take shape across the deep blue, and the world was full of possibilities. When did I stop dreaming? Somewhere along the way, I lost my confidence and my ability to shout from the tops of trees. I became afraid. Since you have been better at taking care of yourself ( us) I am beginning to trust you more. But I am concerned about what will happen when you are fully recuperated and you get back to a normal work schedule. What will happen to me then? Do I become the quiet, forgotten being? Are you really going to take care of me?
ME: I don’t want to let you down again Jannie. You are too valuable and precious to me. I was really angry when I fell and broke my wrist because it didn’t allow me to write what I thought was the most important story at the time. But over the past month, as I have begun to listen to you and your wisdom, I am gaining more trust in you too. There have been times in the past where your actions would anger me- like when you feel like you need to be in control over a situation. I understand that is how you feel safe- when you are in control. But I think we need to learn to work together- use my adult knowledge and your creativity and fun to create our future together. We can make the world a safe place. I can promise you that I will do my best to keep you safe, knowing full well that the biggest threat to you is no longer an outside force but it is me-getting too busy and neglecting you. I don’t want that to happen so how can we work together?
JANNIE: I hope you continue to let me speak through a pen. If you keep giving me the ability to communicate, I think I can learn to trust again. It feels good to be heard. I want to be heard, because just thinking about endless possibilities makes me want to climb trees again. It may take awhile, but I like the little steps we are taking together.