Four weeks into the new year, and a familiar acquaintance called Not Enough has been present, trying to zap the energy I have by telling me I am already losing precious time. It’s as if Not Enough has been watching everyone else and recording their successes and noticing that I am far behind.
In my life, Not Enough has been hanging around since I was a young girl, when I decided that being perfect was the only way to be heard, to have a voice. Now, Perfectionism just sends Not Enough to wreak havoc.
I know that Not Enough has been fed by my anxiousness, which is why she is sticking around a little longer, until I can fully let go of what she expects of me. And that is why this year, my focus is on healing.
Choosing the word Heal as my intention word was necessary from a physical standpoint. It was only in reading Michael J Fox’s new book that I was able to accept the words “Chronic health condition.” My digestive issues go back to when I was in the hospital after the birth of my youngest daughter, 26 years ago today. (Learn more here)
I never wanted to use the word “chronic” because I was always trying to find a solution that would make me physically whole again. I haven’t yet found a way to grow back missing organs and intestines! So while there won’t be a cure for what I am dealing with, that doesn’t mean I can’t heal.
Healing to me means coming to a place of greater acceptance of what is, learning to love me for what I can and CAN’T do, trusting that I am guided to the right doctors and healers who can help me with my current condition, and allowing myself the grace I need to break the chains of Not Enough.
In a healing session this past week, I had an image of me as a tree, whose branches were reaching so far to try to share some light that the trunk of the tree, the core of who I am disappeared. It is time for me to come back home to myself and grow deep roots. I must recognize that as a tree, I am not meant to move and float all over the place. It is my job to stay grounded and trust spirit to blow the leaves from my branches and drop them where they are most needed.
“Growing” my business right now comes from a feeling of Not Enough. Since I know that isn’t true, I am shifting to the words, “Nurture my business.” That means taking care of you, my readers, and helping you find more joy, allowing you the benefits of being my followers by offering freebies, classes and great deals on my products. I am trusting that if something I say touches you, you will do me the honor of sharing my blog with someone else, who can in turn also benefit from connecting with me.
Anxiety has been a constant companion for many of us in the last year. My wish is for all of us to come back home to ourselves, to find our center, and remember that in order to DO in the world, we must first BE who we are meant to be.
As the now famous inaugural poet Amanda Gorman said,
For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it.
There is always light,
If only we’re brave enough to be it.
When we live from our center, connecting to Divine Source and growing the roots that nurture us, we remember where we come from. we feel Enough, because we are Enough.
And when we step into all the light we are, and accept our gifts as well as our limitations, we can BE light for others as well.