So how would your day be different if you really trusted that God would not let you down?
This is the question my fifteen year old has been pondering this week, and I have been pondering along with her. My initial answer would be that I would live without fear, because I would know deep in my heart that all things would work out as they should. Now living my life that way takes a lifetime of trust, and I still feel like a fledgling on this journey.
I had the opportunity to meet an associate publisher from Random House through a mutual friend, and we shared over a cup of coffee on Saturday. She asked me why I was writing my book. I gave her three answers. 1) I have always been a writer and a childhood dream was to have a book written by the age of 30. Instead, my healing story took place when I was 30. 2) Writing about my story is healing my past, and giving me courage to live more fully in the present. 3) I believe I have a story of hope and light to share. She was relieved to hear that I wasn’t just writing a book for a certain niche, that I was actually writing a story from my heart.
We discussed the joy I feel when I am writing and I was thinking to myself, “If only I trusted God that my writing would someday provide some income for me. If only I wasn’t concerned about paying bills and adding to the family budget, then I would have more time to write. How do I know I am doing the right thing?” She mentioned she knows a pulitzer prize winning author who wrote his first book in two months on a work computer, knowing his job would end and he wouldn’t have the computer any longer.
Have you ever asked God for a sign, and then when it came, you just shrugged it off and asked for another sign? As if the joy I feel when writing isn’t a sign enough that my words need to be shared. After coffee, I walked out to my car, and right beside my door was a heads up penny. (I have been told by my daughter that if it is tails up, you turn it over and leave it for the next person!) Loose change on the ground in my path has always been a sign that someone is listening to me, and that the money will come if I just trust my heart. After all, doesn’t it say right on the coin, “In God We Trust?” It was another sign that yes, in fact, writing is my first priority and getting my book published will open up many opportunities for me.
And it didn’t just happen once. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and when I got back to the car, another heads up penny was right by my car door. The angels must have been having fun watching my surprise. I smiled and for a moment, I remembered that God really won’t let me down. I trust that all I need is just waiting for me to receive it. I just need to open my arms and fully embrace the life I am living, even with its challenges. I am right where I am supposed to be, learning from life and applying my learning to new situations. And on Saturday, I took one more step on my journey toward more trust in the way life unfolds.